The Distance Between Us: A Memoir, Post #1

The Monster that Steals Parents

Grande, R. (2012). The Distance Between Us: A Memoir. New York, NY: Washington Square Press. (pp. 1-83)

I was skeptical of this book when I picked it up. Yes, the blurbs on the back of the book make it sound interesting, but I am not much of a memoir reader. To my surprise, within the first page, I was enthralled. Reyna Grande begins her memoir as her four year old self. She begins by remembering a monster called La Llorona, her grandmothers warned her about, that steals children away. Even as a child, she knew there was something much scarier than the urban legend of La Llorona. There was a very real monster that steals parents away. A monster that stole both of her parents: The United States.

Reyna lives in Mexico with her two siblings Mago (who is four years older than Reyna) and Carlos (who is almost three years older than Reyna) along with their mother. However, Reyna's mother is leaving to join her husband in the United States, or as Reyna and many other fellow Mexicans refer to it as, La Otra Lado (The Other Side). Reyna does not remember her father, as she was only a baby when he left for La Otra Lado. He went to earn money so that he could afford to build his family a house in Mexico. He had called for his wife to join him so that she could help earn more money and bring him closer to his goal. Reyna quickly establishes that her family serves as just one example of  Mexican families in a rural community in the 1980s. Fathers leave for economic opportunities in the La Otro Lado, often with promises to return with enough money to build a home and provide for their families. However, they don't usually come back. Mothers are left alone with their children, either forgotten or replaced with another family their husbands created in La Otra Lado. For this reason, Reyna's mom is proud. She hasn't been forgotten, her husband needs her. 

Especially in our current political situation, I think this is an invaluable experience to read about. So many Americans chant that Mexicans "steal jobs" away from them and claim they are criminals. However, perhaps if people understood the quality in life in places like Reyna lives, they could see that in actuality, Reyna's father's illegal immigration is what the American Dream is all about. He recognized his situation--his kids did not have enough to eat, they did not have their own home, work was not constant and with the recession, money was excruciatingly limited. What does he do? He pulls himself up "by his boot straps," gets a job, and starts saving money in hope for a better life for his family. In reality, what is more "American" than that? Of course, in Reyna's view, she would rather starve and live on the streets than be without her parents. 

I don’t know what it’s like to grow up without a father. I don’t know what it’s like to feel abandoned from your mother at a young age. However, I understand a little more and can empathize a little better after reading Reyna’s memories. It’s a heart wrenching scene to picture her mother leaving, Reyna not knowing when she will return, and of course Reyna fearing what life will be like without her mother. The children’s new home can not really be considered a “home” but a place to sleep and, if they’re lucky, eat. They live with their grandmother, who feels nothing for her grandchildren because she "can’t be sure they are really hers." Who knows what their mother has gotten in to. The following chapters are hard to read. Their grandmother is cruel, with punishment and with withholding any hint of love. They eat scraps. 

Reyna is kept out of school because her grandmother says it is too expensive to have all three children in school at once. In actuality, Reyna’s grandmother wants to spend the money Reyna’s parents have sent for school supplies on other things. One of the most heartwarming things about these chapters is Reyna being so excited the first day of school. She wants to read and learn and grow. I can imagine that when life is filled with many hardships, school could be a child's one escape. This just reinforced the importance teachers can have in students lives. Reyna’s excitement is quickly squashed as she begins writing her name on the first day. She is confident, she doesn’t even have to look at the letters for how to spell her name—then the teacher walks by and hits her with a ruler. She is scolded for using her left hand and is instructed not to ever use that hand again. From my understanding, this thinking is both cultural and of the time period. Reyna is discouraged, but if there is one thing I have learned about her in these first 80 or so pages, she is resilient. She continues to use her left hand, even with the threat of physical harm. Reyna's left handedness could be replaced with anything--audio learners, dyslexia, ADHD. This reinforces the idea that teachers must bend their lessons based on how the student learns in order to advocate for their success.

I’m excited to see how this book leads into education. My guess is Reyna will have a problem trusting teachers since she rightly has troubling trusting adults. Her father left her, her mother left her, and her grandmother was abusive. Even though her mother comes back near the end of these chapters, she is clearly not the same person as when she left. She is distant and indifferent to her children now. I’m not sure if Reyna will continue schooling in Mexico or relocate to the United States, but I know from these chapters of exposition that she has much to overcome.