The Distance Between Us: A Memoir, Post #2

La Otra Lado 

Grande, R. (2012). The Distance Between Us: A Memoir. New York, NY: Washington Square Press. (pp. 84-159)

These chapters concluded the first half of the book and recounted the last years until Reyna left Mexico. Reyna’s mother returns with a new addition to the family: Betty, Reyna’s little sister. The other children are intensely jealous of Betty because she is an American citizen and represents a life they wish they had. Betty has the same father as the kids and unlike them, has been living with both of her parents while they have been parent-less. More than anything, this revealed to me the immense privilege of Americans. It’s not just Reyna and her siblings that want to go to America: everyone wants to go to America. All children in the book talk about it like a fairytale. The kids want to go to be reunited with their parents and for the better clothes and toys they get tastes of when their parents send gifts. The adults want to go for the job opportunities and better standard of living.

When Reyna’s mother returns, Reyna (and I) both hope life will not be as lonely for her. They all move in with her abuelita. However, their mother is not very present in their lives. She attempts to make money for the family by doing odd jobs, but it is not too profitable. After landing a steady job, she ends up moving in with a friend and visiting the children once a week because transportation otherwise is too expensive. Again the children are without a mother. Eventually, she gets a boyfriend. In perhaps one of the saddest chapters of the book, their mother brings her new boyfriend to one of the weekly meetings with her kids for the first time. Reyna’s older sister is so upset, she begins convulsing and screaming she wants to die. They end up restraining her. It was like Reyna’s sister was exhibiting what she felt inside in a physical way. She knew if her mother was involved with a man she was in danger of losing her again. It was hard to be empathetic to their mother. In the beginning, I could rationalize that she left them so she could provide for them, but it’s clear their mother after leaving for several years, cannot bring herself to settle back into the rough life they live. She ends up moving to Acapulco with her new boyfriend, leaving her kids behind again.

The chapters that follow are very depressing. Reyna recounts her little cousin drowning in the river, their home completely flooding, their baby sister being burned badly, their mother’s boyfriend dying and her moving back (not to live with them). Then suddenly, her father comes to see his kids. He brings his new wife with him and plenty of clothes and toys for Reyna and her siblings. However, he seems disgusted by them. They are dirty, with ragged clothes and lice. He tells them he thought their mother was taking care of them and seems embarrassed by their appearance. Reyna’s older sister tells their father that she has started working and helping provide for the family. Surprisingly, he is very upset with this, and tells her she needs to focus on school and not working. He then drops a bomb on the kids: he’s going to take Reyna’s older sister back with him (and only her). Reyna’s older sister had been more of a mom to her than her own mother. After much begging and pleading, Reyna convinces her father to take all the kids. He plans to smuggle his 3 older children across the boarder and have his new wife fly back with Betty, but he needs Betty’s birth certificate to prove she is an American citizen. Reyna’s mother does fight for Reyna or her older siblings to stay, but she refuses to give Betty’s birth certificate up. Reyna thinks it is out of pride, as do I. She makes an incredibly difficult decision: leave her sister behind, knowing she will not be able to protect her anymore. Reyna's family is again splintered. 

Reyna’s father attempts twice to illegally cross the border with his kids, and both times, they are caught and sent back. Finally, they are successful and cross into the United States, where the chapters end and book two begins. The details of crossing the border, to me, were very enlightening and timely. Instead of demanding for no one cross our boarders, perhaps people should ask why are people crossing our boarders? Reyna’s father spends significant money and weathers harsh elements and dangers to reach the boarder…and he does this three times with three young children. The whole time I’m rooting for them. They have little foreseeable opportunities in Mexico where their mother has abandoned them, their poor elderly grandmother lives in a mud house, and soon the kids would have to drop out of school and get jobs to be able to survive. However in America they have a father, a home, running water, food, security, stability, and opportunity. Reyna’s life in Mexico by this point has taken up half of the book, and I really appreciate this. If the book started with, “Here’s Reyna who lives in California and illegally immigrated to the United States when she was six…” I would have no frame of reference of what that meant. The insight into her life means I understand how difficult simple things like bathing are in rural Mexico. I understand her past and hardships, her family, and I also understand how important and promising the United States is. I would encourage individuals staunchly critical of illegal immigration to read this book in order to gain perspective.